Heartbreak & Regret

 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." {Isaiah 55:8-9}

"When my way grows drear,

Precious Lord, linger near,

When my life is almost gone,

Hear my cry, hear my call,

Hold my hand lest I fall:

Take my hand, precious Lord, 

Lead me home.

Precious Lord, take my hand,

Lead me on, let me stand,

I am tired, I am weak, I am worn;

Through the storm, through the night,

Lead me on to the light:

Take my hand, precious Lord, 

Lead me home."

—Thomas A. Dorsey

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Before you read this post... I'm ok.  I don't want anyone worrying about me.  I'm sure things will change once physical healing takes place, but this is just how things are right now.

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Hi friends...
     If you're looking for a wonderfully positive update - well, I'm afraid you might've come to the wrong place.  I come bearing my heart and soul and frankly, they're not too pretty at the moment.  I'm in an indescribable amount of pain right now...physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I started this latest dental journey fully expecting to lose my top 6 front teeth and a couple wisdom teeth - that should last me at least a year (or so we thought).  But it has tragically ended with the removal of all of my 26 teeth...8 the first time and 18 this time.  I'm in extreme pain from this latest oral surgery where she removed my last 18 teeth, ground down my jaw bone to make it more even (makes the use of dentures easier), and then stitched me up.  My jaw joint hurts from the sudden major change in my bite.  I left it up to the dentist's judgement as to whether or not she needed to take the remaining teeth in the back.  She said they were covered in decay even more so since the last time she saw me so she felt like I didn't have long enough left with them to try to keep them.  I've never regretted a decision more in my life.  I never should've had it done all at once - it is just too much physically and emotionally.  Everything inside of me wants to scream how unfair it is to feel like I look like I'm in my 80s when I'm only 27.  I have shed many tears and I'm very broken-hearted right now.  I remember that exciting day when I got my braces off... Only a little over 5 years ago.  I took care of my teeth, I worked hard, I went through so much - for this?!  I know deep down that God has a plan for my chaotic life, but I sure wish He would let me in on it.

Sorry...it hurts to smile!

 This is the most agonizing struggle I have ever had in my entire life and I just want all this pain to go away.

Praises...
I remembered to inform the anesthesia team to transfer me gently so the only body soreness is in my back (from laying on the hard OR table for several hours) and neck (from them pulling so many teeth)!

My lungs have recovered faster this time.  I only required 2 breathing treatments post op instead of a couple times a day for a few days!

Prayer requests...
Strength.
Pain relief.
Help finding my way in this very difficult journey.
Comfort for my Ezra as his routine is very disrupted when I'm out of commission.

If you have texted me and I haven't replied, please don't be alarmed.  My phone has been turned off 99.9% of the last day and a half or so and I don't know how long it will remain off.  I just need to heal (in more ways than one) through this painful time and I don't even know how right now.  So please understand and be patient while I try to navigate through all of this.  However, your continued texts, prayers, and messages are greatly appreciated and cherished!

And one more thing... If you have a favorite go to Bible verse in times of difficulty, I would love if you would post it in the comments below!

Taking Life One Long Journey at a Time...
Allison

Safe Arrival

 Hi friends!

     So, we made it safely to the hotel around 3:00 this afternoon.  I had my virtual visit with the anesthesiologist at 1:00 and when she heard we were already in Chapel Hill she had us stop by the clinic and she came out to the curb to do a little physical exam.  All is set for my OR dental procedure tomorrow.  I’m supposed to arrive at 10:00 tomorrow morning.  I’m supposed to do a breathing treatment in the morning due to the asthma flare I ended up with after the last procedure.  Hoping that’ll prevent that happening again.  Winter is rough on my lungs anyways and then the intubation for anesthesia made them a bit angry.  I  really appreciate your prayers for a safe procedure, quick recovery, and that I can get by with only 13 teeth being pulled instead of all 18!  The 13 is hard enough to deal with but losing all of them at once would be even harder.

Thank you so much for your kind comments....they mean the world to me!

Taking Life One Procedure at a Time....

Allison

The Impossible Dream

 Hi Friends!

     It has been a while!  I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New Years!  I can’t believe it is already 2021!!

For birthdays in my family, usually the birthday person chooses something fun to do as a family.  My birthday request this year was to go see Christmas lights.  Well, my family took my birthday way beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined.  As far back as I can remember, it has been my ultimate dream to go ice skating.  However, after having life pulled out from under me by chronic illness, I let go of the hope of that dream ever coming true.  On Sunday (12/27) my mom told me that the following day we were going to leave the house no later than 11:30am and I needed to dress in layers.  I had no clue what they were up to!  Two days before my birthday, my family made my “impossible dream” come true! 😭

 They had rented the “puddle” (small ice rink) at an ice skating place and had instructors that enjoy working specifically with the special olympics.  Friends, I got to put ice skates on my feet and skate for an hour!!!  I get tears in my eyes just thinking back to that magical, victorious moment!  Yes, I had a skate aid/walker and yes, I had people helping me at first, but I GOT TO ICE SKATE!!!!!!  The instructors were amazing with us!  They treated me like a person (when you’re in a power wheelchair, people have a tendency to automatically assume that you have no cognitive abilities), made sure I was safe getting my footing, and then let me go.  They even let Ezra come out on the ice as he wanted!  I felt so free from the bondage of MCAS!

  And with it being a cold sport, the exertion didn’t cause much issue whatsoever whereas heat and exertion makes me very, very ill.  I did so well with it that I plan to soon get ice skates of my own and make that an occasional recreation!  I literally feel like I must be dreaming!

  2020 had been such a hard year for me with countless infections, dental complications, and pain and I was rapidly losing my grip on the will to live, but thanks to my amazing family, it was the best year of my entire life!  On my actual birthday I opened presents, chilled at home, went out for hot chocolate, and then went to see Christmas lights!

Now...off the lovely cloud 9 and back to reality.  I have another J tube infection and I’m back on a strong IV antibiotic.  Thankfully, it seems to be clearing up well!  I went to Chapel Hill this morning to get my pre-op covid test done and I have one more day at home before heading back to Chapel Hill to prepare for my OR dental procedure that is scheduled to take place on January 5th.  Pray for me!  I had 8 teeth pulled last time and thought I was dying...this time I will, Lord willing, be having at least 13 teeth pulled! 😵  My final decision is to have the remainder of my top teeth and the front 6 bottom teeth removed and leave the remaining 5 back bottom teeth unless the dentist sees that they have greatly declined since she saw them last.  Here’s to hoping it’ll “only” be 13!

I will try to update you when we arrive at the hotel on Monday.

Taking Life One Dream Come True at a Time...

Allison