7.5 million breaths…

31,536,000 seconds…525,600 minutes…8,760 hours…365 days…52 weeks…12 months…1 whole year of my life without you Daddy.  In some ways it feels like 10 but in others I swear it was just yesterday when you took your voyage to Heaven.  Oh, how I miss your laugh…your silly jokes…your comfort…your prayers…the touch of your hand…your hugs…the kisses you always put right on top of my head.   I still have the videos I took during some of your last weeks here — just to be able to watch your chest rise and fall with each fleeting breath.  I miss you SO MUCH and it kills everything within me each time I re-realize you’re never walking through that door again.  You know “they” (whoever they may be) say the first year is the hardest…is all of this just supposed to magically disappear?  Because somehow I still have the disbelief I had when you took your last breath and the pain is just as sharp and as gut wrenching as that first night I had to go to bed without saying goodnight to you and having your eyes sparkle as you nodded your head, winked, and tried to air kiss around all the tumor.   I don’t miss those horrible tumors but I sure do miss you more than I could ever put into words.  I hope you’re proud of me.  I’m ready anytime you want to talk Him into letting me come!

Love you always and forever!

Your Baby Girl

A verse to one of his favorite hymns…

“To that old rugged cross I will ever be true,

its shame and reproach gladly bear;

then He'll call me some day to my home far away,

where his glory forever I'll share.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,

till my trophies at last I lay down;

I will cling to the old rugged cross,

and exchange it some day for a crown.”

…and he has done just that.  Thank you, Jesus, for Heaven!

It’s Been A Doozy…

 Hi friends!

Just a reminder…

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     I had my oral surgery on the 25th of July.  I expected it to be horrible but it turned out to be horrific (which is clearly worse than horrible!).  The pain and agony topped my most painful surgery.  It was the first surgery that narcotics were involved at home.  I woke up from anesthesia to feeling like someone had crushed my face into a brick wall.  I went home majorly under the influence…I was flying high on pain meds! LOL  I don’t remember most things they say I did but apparently it was pretty hilarious.  I was heading in the right direction with healing for the next several days when suddenly my pain took a turn for the worse, I started having disgusting tasting drainage from one of my implants, and started smelling Brussels sprouts (THE worst!!!!).  Yuck!  So I saw my surgeon for my follow-up a day early and it was determined that I have a sinus infection now from him having to go up, cut my sinuses, and put the implants through.  I was started on an IV antibiotic yesterday and I’m hoping it kicks in really soon!  The day after I saw my surgeon, I started having issues with an abutment screw being loose and nearly falling out (it actually fell out yesterday morning right before leaving home).  So yesterday I went back to the Surgeon’s office and the surgical assistant tightened down that screw plus any of the others that were loose.  Those folks out there who have had braces on their teeth will know what the painful soreness of tightening braces feels like…times that by about 1,000 and you’ll have what I’m feeling right now.  It is SO painful because it’s pulling on my skull.  So I am currently 9 days post op and the pain is still a real struggle.  My face looks pretty much back to normal as far as swelling is concerned.  There for a while I looked like someone had beat me up…at one point I could barely see out of my right eye because it was nearly swollen shut.  Please pray that the infection and pain will subside quickly and everything will heal correctly for my next step…TEETH! :)

Thank you to all my prayer warriors out there!  Y’all mean so much to me!

Allison

If You Want To Make God Laugh.....

 ....just tell Him your plans, right? :)

{Before I get started on this post... if you would like email notifications for when I update my blog, just email me your email address to zeebiefightinedsht@gmail.com and put "blog" as the subject line and I'll send you an invitation to subscribe.}

Now...on with the post! :)

If you read my previous post, I should be home from surgery about now.  But the Lord had different plans for me.  I got a call yesterday afternoon informing me that the implants for my surgery hadn't arrived as they should've.  They were supposed to arrive by Tuesday at the latest and they still weren't there when my surgeon arrived at the office yesterday.  They worked on it all morning and part of the afternoon yesterday, but it was made clear that there was no way they would be here for my surgery.  It has now been rescheduled for 10:15am on July 25th (a week from today).  It was a big blow, but I knew the Lord had a reason.  His ways are higher than ours.  I am now grateful that I didn't have surgery today...there have been multiple reasons for that - one being a situation with Ezra that would've been very difficult to deal with if it would've happened at the hospital and I have been able to process it emotionally without all the surgery recovery on top of it all.  His ways are always best and I'm so glad He does what is best no matter how much we may kick and scream!  And if He would've done just as I pleaded...I would be going through so many things all at once.  As I process life, I am reminded of a sweet hymn that I came across several months ago (attached below this post)...

"When my soul is worn and weary, and my eyes are filled with grief,

When my hands in desperation reach for Heaven for relief.

Hear my cry Heavenly Father.

You have known my every pain.

You have seen all my sorrow.

Hear my cry once again.

Would I find the words there waiting if I had the strength to start?

Could a mortal tongue interpret all the sorrow of a heart?

Hear my cry Heavenly Father..."

I got my test results from the esophageal manometry & pH study.  The manometry was normal which is a good thing!  This means all the muscles of my esophagus are working properly.  The pH study showed big time reflux issues!  I don't know what all the wording means, but one number that was supposed to be less than 14.7 was 49.4 on my results.  They also suggested testing my gastric emptying because of the high AET (acid exposure time) on my pH test results.  I have had a gastric drain tube hooked up to a drain bag 24/7 for years now and lets save all those weak stomaches out there by saying it is NOT pretty any time something won't drain and gets stuck in my stomach.  We still don't know why this happens so this might've actually opened up a possibility of figuring that out.  I now have information for both procedures that could potentially fix my reflux issues and I'm supposed to read through that and let my GI know if I want to proceed and which one so he can refer me to the appropriate physician.  Please pray that I would have wisdom in making this decision!

Thank you to all those out there still reading my updates and praying!
Allison

It's Been Way Too Long!

Hi Friends!

        I am so very sorry that it has taken me so long between posts!  I know this is way overdue... I am going to do my best to catch up on everything!

I had my first upper jaw oral surgery on March 18th.  They went up into my palate, took out the two impacted adult teeth, and did a bone graft in hopes of my body creating bone where all of my natural bone had disintegrated due to the lack of teeth.  That surgery far surpassed my expectation for the worst possible recovery!  I was pretty beat up and swollen.  The hope was to create enough bone to be able to put two regular implants in the front and then the two zygomatic implants (anchored up in the cheekbone instead of jawbone) in the back.  I went back to the oral surgeon for my second surgical followup Wednesday and, unfortunately, the bone hasn't grown as well as we had hoped.  SO, there is still a little bit of hope that he'll have enough bone to do the regular implants in the front but a higher likelihood of having to do all four zygomatic implants.  However, I have been cleared for the next (and final!) step of oral surgery and that is officially scheduled for July 18th at 8:00am (arrive at 6:00am).  When I asked what this surgery would be in comparison to my last, he quickly answered "much more involved!"...YIKES!  The last surgery recovery was rough and they only had to go into my palate - this time they have to go all the way up to my cheekbone!  My longest oral surgery so far has been around 45 minutes and this one is supposed to take a minimum of 2 hours.  Oh what fun...maybe not!  I am trying to focus on the happy ending and final result!

Specific Prayer Requests:

*Surgery will go smoothly

*Post surgery pain control

*My airway will remain open despite all the swelling

I got my glasses shortly after my oral surgery... as soon as most of the swelling had disappeared.  They took some getting used to, but they have helped so much!

I had my hickman line replaced on April 16th.  When they evaluated my old line prior to the change, the radiologist said that it looked as though there may be the starts of infection in the tract so he was glad they were changing it.  They made a new insertion site and put in a new hickman.  Shortly thereafter, I ended up in the ER with pain and redness at and around the site.  They admitted me for fear that I was getting an infection.  They put me on IV antibiotics and watched me for a few days.  Then the infectious disease doctor came to the conclusion that he did not believe it was infected, took me off all antibiotics, and sent me home.  It wasn't long and I rapidly went downhill, becoming very, very ill with a blood infection.  So, back to the ER I went to be admitted for IV antibiotics.  They had to remove my new hickman line since it was the source of the infection.  Then, since my vascular access is dwindling and I get infections easier, they decided they wanted to wean (ha!) me off my benadryl pump before discharge so they wouldn't have to place another line.  Let's back up...I have been on a continuous benadryl pump for 10 years, all but one of my medications is IV and goes through my hickman, and oral medications are incredibly difficult because I react to the majority of the "extra" ingredients and then they have to be able to be crushed and put through my J tube!  I "agreed" because I know how doctors are if you don't try their ideas.  I did think they were nuts with how fast they wanted to get me off the pump, but I complied. :)  And, sure enough, after dropping my pump by two milligrams, I made it almost 8 hours before all the "fun" started.  After having two major reactions, they decided (against the infectious disease doctor's wishes) to put my pump back up to where it has been for the last 10 years and put in an order to put in another hickman.  I finally got to go home after 13 days.

I introduced Charlie James on my CaringBridge site right after getting him, but I will do so here as well... He is a 5 month old standard poodle.  I got him at 8 weeks old and began obedience and service training with him soon after.  He will, Lord willing, be stepping in as my Medical Alert Service Dog when my precious Ezra loses his health battle.  Ezra is doing very well for the health issues he has and is still plugging along, but it takes a while to train another pup so we are starting early! :)  Charlie has already begun to sense reactions and gets very agitated when something is going on...which is the first step to alerting!  Charlie is brilliant and learns very quickly, but I have had to find his method of learning and chisel away at his stubborn streak! LOL!  Thankfully, as he gets older, he is getting a stronger desire to please.  He is VERY attached to me without any effort on my part.  Usually you have to be the puppy's only source of food, water, and the majority of the attention they get in order to earn that connection, but Charlie has automatically glued himself to me, follows me EVERYWHERE, and screams when I have to leave him.  He is slowly getting a little better with separation as he learns that I do return when I leave him.  This connection is a very good thing though... a service dog needs that bond to their person!

Father's Day was really hard this year not having my sweet Daddy on earth with me.  Oh, how I miss him!  10 months without him feels like an eternity.  There are still many nights that I cry myself to sleep.  There will forever be a void in me until Heaven when I can finally feel his arms embrace me once again.  What a day that will be... this "vapor" feels so very long.

I have been having issues swallowing and had an endoscopy a while back.  That test showed no evidence of Eosinophilic Esophagitis which was a good thing, but was inconclusive of what was causing the issue.  My GI doctor thought it was probably coming from my uncontrolled reflux that I have had for quite some time, but there is a chance that it is caused by Esophageal Dysmotility which is when some of the muscles in your esophagus don't work as they should.  After 5 days of no acid reducing medications (I am on maximum doses of the IV form of these and still have reflux) and only clear liquids all day Monday, I had an esophageal manometry test done on Tuesday and then they placed a pH probe which goes up your nose and down the back of your throat, measures the pH level in your esophagus, and detects reflux.  They left that in for 24 hours and I had horrible reflux before and during this test which is an answered prayer because they should be able to see it in the testing.  If I don't have the Esophageal Dysmotility and they see the reflux on the test then I am a candidate for a new procedure that is very minimally invasive but has been very successful with correcting reflux!  They go in via endoscopy and use a heat laser to create some scar tissue that tightens the lower sphincter in your esophagus and helps it work better naturally instead of the big surgery thats very involved and makes it to where you can't vomit and such.  That surgery wouldn't be an option for me because when a food doesn't drain and gets stuck in my stomach, I end up vomiting.  They said to expect the test results in a week or two.  I will do my best to get y'all the results when I get them.

I think I now have y'all up to date on all the happenings.  I at least tried! ;)  I am officially done with CaringBridge and moved here so I hope I don't lose any of my faithful followers and prayer warriors!  You can freely comment on my posts here and I look forward to reading them all!  It has just come to a point that I can only get CaringBridge to somewhat work on my phone and I've gotten reports of some who can no longer access my updates on there...so here we are.  I really hope this works for y'all!

Allison

I’m Alive!

Hi Friends! My surgery went well! As I was waking up from anesthesia, I overheard them saying I would’ve no longer been a candidate for dentures due to me having no ridge or much bone left up top so I’m glad I went ahead with surgery instead of waiting, trying the dentures route only to be told that wouldn’t work anymore. My motto has always been “expect the worst - hope for the best” and I must say, this surgery was WAY off of the chart for the “worst” I was expecting! Wow! I should’ve known with what they were having to do but I guess I learned the hard way. I have an incision along my gums from one end of my gums to the other. Inside my mouth is lots of bruising and stitches and my face looks like someone majorly beat me up…black eyes and all! The pain is tolerable with the help of IV Tylenol (the IV version works as good as a narcotic without the yucky side effects). It ramps up pretty bad when it comes time for the next dose…or if I laugh too hard which I ended up doing yesterday! 🙄 Yesterday was rough with my whole body being achy and weak and feeling as though I would pass out with the slightest exertion. Today, however, has been good from that aspect of things…but nothing from my neck up is happy with me or my surgeon right now. Still have my eyes on the prize to motivate me to keep going! 🙂 I greatly appreciate your prayers as I heal!! We have a new member of our family… Charlie James! 💙 He is an almost 9 week old black poodle puppy who is now in training to be my next service dog when I eventually lose my precious Ezra. And just to clarify…my RooBug will still be with me to the end but I’m hoping Charlie will pick up how to alert from exposure to Ezra working. Ezra will never be retired. If the need arises, I will just stay home with him. I tried to retire him and leave him home when he became diabetic but he literally worried himself sick about me and did NOT tolerate that well. So for his sake he is retired from all of his physically straining jobs and just comes along and alerts when needed. Well, I’m off to find some more distractions! LOL Taking Life One Black Eye at a Time… Allison

Change :)

Hi Friends! There are a couple things that are changing… I’m scheduled for the first phase of oral surgery on Monday at 12:00 (arrive at 10). So, while not visible, my mouth will be changing! I am getting glasses. I went to the oral surgeon for a consult on the 5th. He gave me all of the details going into this. The first surgery will be to remove the canine teeth that are impacted in my palate and place bone graft. It will then be at least 4 months to let the bone grow and, once I have grown enough bone, I will go back into surgery to have implant posts placed. They are hoping my bone will grow large enough and strong enough to place 2 regular implant posts in the front and 2 posts that anchor in my cheekbone in the back. However, if the bone doesn’t grow enough, he will place all 4 implants that anchor in the cheekbone. I am SO excited for the end result! Keeping my eyes on the prize so as not to think too much on the in between! LOL! I have everything prepared and I’m gung-ho ready to go! :) Prayer requests for this surgery… *Surgery to go smoothly. *No reaction/rejection to the bone graft. *Successful bone growth. On the 6th, I finally went to the optometrist to get my eyes checked. Around 6 months ago, I noticed I wasn’t able to see or read things afar off anymore. I kept putting off getting my eyes checked (that’s worse than the dentist in my book!) but finally made an appointment. Sure enough, I need glasses. So I will soon be joining the geek squad (no offense to all the people out there requiring eyewear)…my glasses should be in shortly after my oral surgery. I greatly appreciate all of your prayers! Allison

Catching up...

Hi Friends! I am so sorry - I totally forgot about my blog the last chunk of caringbridge posts! So if you would like to catch up, please go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/allisonworkman - there is SO much that I've missed posting here! Now...here is my latest post. I Thessalonians 5:18 "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi Friends! It has been a while since I've written. I have some blessings and happy news to share! I still have my Ezra and that is a huge blessing! He has officially made it a year with diabetes and that is a miracle. He continues to surprise his vet and Mommy! If odds had their way, he wouldn't be here right now. On top of that, his vet said IF they make it that long they are in really, really rough shape. He has made it a year...no cataracts, walking 3.5 - 4 miles a day, eating great, playful, happy...he is a true miracle. Thank you, Lord! To celebrate, I have made a video of our journey so far... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXhxCsealSM&t=333s I survived the flu! Aside from Covid, that was the worst respiratory bug I have ever had! I'm still getting over a little lingering cough, but thank the Lord that I am MUCH better! I'm thankful for my Daddy and his life. It hurts beyond words that he is gone, but the things he has taught me...The life he gave me - It may hurt worse because of our bond, close relationship, and the love he gave, but I am so very grateful I had him for 29 years! It's been nearly 6 months and the heartache feels endless, but the thought of Heaven is just that much sweeter! SO thankful for the guarantee of Heaven!! Now, perhaps the happiest news??... A sweet and VERY generous follower here on my caringbridge is paying for me to have upper implant surgery done plus paying for teeth to snap onto the implants. I'm still in shock and disbelief! Getting implants in my top jaw will make it most likely that I'll get to play my trumpet again!! I'm SOOOOOO excited! I have a surgery consult schedule for March 5th. It'll be a two step process. First, he has to go in, remove the two teeth that are up in my palate, sprinkle bone graph material {shivers}, and close it back up. I think it is 6 months that they wait to let bone grow. Then they go back in and place the implants. There is a little bit more wait time for those to anchor in before I'll be ready for the teeth. So it's probably going to be about a year for it all to happen. A great big thank you to the donor and the Lord for orchestrating all of this!! God has been so good to me even on my hardest and most heart wrenching days! He has been with me this whole journey and, even though it doesn't always feel like it, His plan and ways are perfect! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psalm 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Traveling in His Perfect Way... Allison